Tag: racism

Racial reconciliation vs racial healing

I joined a Zoom meeting about two weeks post the George Floyd video resurfacing. This meeting surrounded the topic of racial reconciliation versus racial healing. Our communities have been speaking recently about the racial reconciliation. Reconciliation is “the action of making one view or belief compatible with another”. Bringing it into a racial context, it is to stand on the idea that different races will believe that they are of equal status and will be able to restore friendly relations. That being said, this concept has an end in mind. There is a goal. And, for this goal to be met, all parties must be in AGREEMENT. That’s the tough part. We do not control other people’s beliefs or actions, they are their own person.

This Zoom meeting was led by a reverend who summed up that we should strive for racial healing over racial reconciliation. There are people we have encountered in the past and will encounter in the future that will exhibit racist actions and tendencies. If they are corrected and still choose to continue in their harmful ways, I need to find healing within myself. Not them, ME. It’s similar to forgiveness, in the sense that we get more freedom when we let it go, whether or not the person has apologized or have been penalized in a certain fashion. As a black woman, I realized I’ve been doing this for years. Having lived with two roommates that exhibited racist tendencies alongside their friends and boyfriends who would come over, I learned to not let the words affect me. Now, before people start attacking me and saying that I facilitate these racist actions because the responsibility is now placed on me, my question is: where does your peace lie? My peace must lie in myself. I cannot rely on other people being good people so that I can move forward. All I can do is address it, pursue it if need be and then heal myself. It took my about three years to understand this but it has changed my life.

Inner peace is something only I can tap into and I can no longer place it in other people.

People can change and we can allow our perceptions of them to change as well

Accepting that people are dynamic beings has allowed me to understand them as they are. My psychometrics professor repeatedly told us that there is only one predictor we have for future behaviour is past behaviour. And, he repeatedly reminded us that this predictor is bullshit. Why? Because past behaviour does not take into account the greatest driving force behind our actions: motivation. As I mature, I learn each day about the infamous amounts of shades of grey. Actions and choices are rarely simple 2+2 calculations.

In this season, there is a ton social change occurring worldwide and this will continue for months and probably even years. And, as societies change, we also have to allow people to change with them and accept these people as their new selves. Now, I’m not talking about celebrities and people we see on TV. I’m not talking about cancel culture. I’m talking about our friends, our family members, our co-workers, the people that we interact with often and know their character. I used to feel horrible that when I realize I’ve experienced the worst of someone’s character. It would eat me to the core that they can simply transform and no one will ever see that side of them, except me. People can hurt others and say it’s in their past and every person they meet in the future will never have to encounter the pain I encountered or ever even know who they once were. But, I’ve learned that there is freedom that comes in believing in the best of people. That people CAN change and we only hurt ourselves when our perceptions of them will not allow it.

It was triggering to me when I saw people on my timeline speaking about BLM when the same people would tell me “you talk too much about race”, “can we just chill?” or best yet: “yo, it was just a joke”. I had to come off my these platforms to be able to reflect on why it hurt. And, it’s because I hadn’t healed these scars. Whether or not, these black boxes were performative or not, I can never know their real motivations or intentions. I must simply take them at their word and observe myself if they have changed. I’m allowed to change my mind when people change who they are. And, in fact, it is GOOD for me to do so. It’s about practicing empathy. I have to remind myself what the greater goal is: that people refine their character so society can work as a cohesive unit. Now, my job is to make room for this transformation in my heart.